On The Edge of My Ledge
We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit
– E.E. Cummings-
In my drowsy state sometime during the night I hear the pitter patter of drops. I lift my head and try make sense of where I am. It takes me a few seconds to realise I’m on a portaledge and not on a course in the mountains. Good thing I didn’t try to get up and go outside. I realise too that I forgot to change my long sling to a short one so if I had stepped “out” I would have been hanging about two metres below the portaledge and no way to get back on. The rain keeps coming down harder and harder and I check the canopy so that no rain can get in. I change my sling and fall fast asleep.
I wake to a cool and overcast day but am coughing so badly that I also vomit. My chest infection that had kept me in bed last week has reared it ugly head. This time it is worse. I am stiff and sore all over and my shoulder really hurts BUT I feel surprisingly happy. Calls from Milly saying that she sent angels and from my wife are great. My up down mood of the previous day is no more. I start to read again. Man of Everest that Duncan gave me as agift about Tenzing Norgay is a real treat. Humility, honesty and humour in the writing are the qualities of Leadership that I admire.
My chest is so sore and I am coughing lots of phlem. Wiebke and Allison arrange for a nurse to come and see me. After explaining the symptoms she gets a nebulizer and I sit and breathe into it to clear the chest. Afterward it feels better and I breathe better. Earlier it felt like breathing through a straw. Thanks angel nurse. One of the unsung heroines of the world!
I settle down to read again and keep an eye on six surfers enjoying the water off the promenade. I feel great and wonder if the nurse spiked the nebulizer but I think it is just the fact that I am alive, I have all my limbs, I am healthy (reasonably!) and am able to see the dawning of a new day in this beautiful city. I couldn’t have chosen a more beautiful spot. I look at the rocks that Charles Darwin supposedly studied and made some of his discoveries in “The Origin of Man”. I wonder if someone has ever done a study on the evolution of man’s goodness! I wonder if anything has changed since we were considered barbarians thousands of years ago. I am willing to believe so even with the chaos around us. What I am saying is that I do believe that all people are born good, have a good heat and that they care deeply for each other.
I get so into my book and lose track of time. Uh! Oh! Someone has decided to play a cruel joke on me as I suddenly notice the clouds are gone and the sun has reared its bright hot ball of smiling fire. Whatever happened to Weatherman Pete! He was a gifted weatherman who predicted the weather spot on, even though he usually was two days late. These guys nowadays cant even get the weather right all. I was so hoping for cloud cover. Where’s that angry black cloud when you need it. I let off a series of words that even I have to close my ears to. Now I have to change into my shorts and t-shirt and just little movements make me sweat. I am irritated beyond belief. Angry at the weatherman, the sun, the harness, my long pants that takes huge effort to get off. Yurra!! Ma se eiers!! Okay Mr Sun, you and I lets get it on!! It is the sun that is my nemesis. Why doesn’t it snow in Cape Town with all this global warming stuff going on. No luck.
But today is cooler with a light breeze that I really enjoy and it is pleasant to the point that I am really enjoying it. Maybe I will stay another week and insist that the President come along so I can give him some advice: It will be to sit and listen to one of the graduates from our courses and maybe learn something.
But today I still sit with a deep disappointment in the people of this city. It’s day four and not one cent has been raised. Not even a pair of shoes for a student to use on a course. Man, it makes me mad. I am frustrated and hurt. Do you have to wait until some robber jumps over your wall and invades your privacy before you want to do something. I think of Lerato who was breaking into houses in Muizenberg, stabbing and robbing people before he came to Educo and is now one of our best staff members. This guy is now leading international leadership courses. It could have been so different. Or little eleven-year old Nosisi who came on a course with me and was terrified of men because her own father had raped her since she was three. It took a lot for me to prove I can be trusted. Sitting outside with the group in the mountains pointing out the stars and naming one after her was a moment that changed her perceptions of men and people forever. She could trust maybe just a little. “Ag shame,” doesn’t help. It takes hard work to re-establish a child’s faith in humanity.
But I hold onto the belief that all people are good and want to help. I think of all the gangsters I worked with who came on programmes with hearts full of hate and rage. After their solo night when they share their stories, they break down and cry, begging forgiveness and committing to change. I meet them on the streets and they are so different, working, happy, off drugs and out of the gang.
I know for a fact that people can’t live the way they do in the townships. I fear the moment when they say enough is enough. So even if Educo Africa does not receive one shoe, or one desk, or one cent I pray that those that are not donating to us IS donating to some other cause or NGO. God knows in these times we need it. I remember Professor Pryor of Regis University in the USA saying to me that society consists of three sectors: Private, Government, and Non Profit. He said that if the NPO sector collapsed the whole of society will collapse. It is this sector that is doing the grassroots work that government is not able to deliver on. I recently read that more than 70 NPO’s have closed due to lack of funding. I fear for the future. Mostly I fear for the children. In this country, 15 years after freedom we should not let one child be in jail, starve to death, be abused, be homeless. It is a travesty.
Aluta Continua!
Cheers
T
